SCUBA!

While I really should be working on my take home test due in a week as well as my numerous other end-of-semester papers, I thought I would take a little break for a blog post since I can’t seem to concentrate properly on what I should be doing.

This week I successfully completed my 2-star SCUBA diving course down in Eilat.  While this was certainly fun and exciting, the culmination of the course represented a lot more to me than just a certification. 

About 9 years ago I came to study in Israel for a year after having graduated from High School.  During one of our vacation breaks, I came down to Eilat with a few friends and decided to do an introductory SCUBA dive.  It was just me and an instructor, wet-suited up and heading under the water.  The whole dive was about half an hour long.  I saw some of the most beautiful colors I had ever seen in my life, I was exposed to these alien-like beings and habitats under the water and I literally felt like I was visiting a different world (which technically I was – the underwater world).  While I called it at the time (and numerous times since) a ‘Religious Experience’ because of the incredibility of it, It wasn't solely positive.

During the duration of that half an hour introductory dive, which to clarify was maybe 3 meters under the water’s surface, I had to come to the top and pull off my mask THREE TIMES for a lack of being able to get my breathing under control.  It’s terrifying.  I think that drowning sounds like the worst way to go and to suddenly feel uncomfortable in your breathing pattern and ability when you are under the water is incredibly unsettling and petrifying.  Mentally it seems so unnatural to be able to breath under the water and remain there for extended periods of time.  And I’m a good swimmer.  I love swimming.  When I was younger I used to want to be an Olympic swimming and in my teenage years I became a lifeguard and started teaching others how to swim (which is still currently a passion of mine).  I can hold my breath under water for a respectable period of time and can even free dive a handful of meters.  But breathing under the water…. Nope.  Unnatural.

That being said, I still had a wonderful time and yearned for the opportunity to once again give SCUBA Diving a try.  I got that opportunity about 4 years later when I went backpacking internationally.  I found myself in Australia, and being a cheesy tourist, I knew I had to visit the Great Barrier Reef.  I signed up for a day tour out on a boat which included a group intro SCUBA dive for about 20 minutes.  I was really excited but gnawing at the back of my head was a nervousness about the whole underwater breathing component.  We did some basic prep and practice, and sure enough as soon as we got just under the water’s surface, I completely freaked out and released myself from the group and gasped for air as I removed my mask and mouth piece.  It was a terrible feeling – one of disappointment in myself and at the missed opportunity.  I felt defeated and quite frankly, I was upset.  I was upset that there was something that I wanted to do so badly and yet I was the one holding myself back.  It was right there for the taking – an opportunity to do what I had wanted to do and yet I stopped myself from doing it.

It was clear that SCUBA diving was not something that I was going to do on a regular basis from then on and it left me with a negative feeling.  I still had that idea that it was something that I wanted to be able to do, but didn’t seem very likely.  About a year and a half after the GBR failure, I went traveling in Thailand to the beautiful Island of Koh Tao - a place in the world that certifies SCUBA Divers left and right since there is so much traffic going through there and the price of the course is quite cheap.  I expressed my interest in taking the course to my Dad who vehemently was against my doing it there to that point that he offered to assist me financially with the course fee if I agreed to do it somewhere else.  In an effort to be respectful of my Dads wishes (and of course the monetary incentive helped), I forwent the course in Thailand. 

Let’s fast-forward another 3 and a half years to a point where I am living in Israel and about to start a Masters in University and very much needing a break from work.  At the start of October 2013 I decided to once again face my fears, head back down to Eilat (not lost on me is that that is where it all began) and take the SCUBA Diving course.  Anyone I had spoken to had let me know that they help you work through any issues you have in the course, and that the breathing issue is a popular one.  Obviously I felt apprehensive, but I also felt motivated, with a strong will to push through the issue.  I tried to get as much advice as I could from other divers and I headed down to Eilat trying to feel brave and determined.

The first part of our course really just involved some light swimming and snorkeling to demonstrate our comfort and necessary minimal-level ability in the water.  The fact that I breezed through that helped me build some confidence.  But then came the SCUBA part – full gear and all – full immersion into the water and getting started.  As I entered the waste-deep water and put on my flippers and mask, a million thoughts ran through my head.  What if I can’t do this?  I told so many people that this was what I was going down to EIlat to do, but what if I have to come back after the first day because I failed?  What If I freaked out again under the water? What if I cried?  Not to mention the fact that I was taking this course in Hebrew and was slightly less than sure that I was understanding everything that was going on. Despite the negative thoughts I made myself give it a try.  I took one last deep natural breath without the mouthpiece, plugged it in and ducked under the water.

Nope – didn’t work.  I tried and tried, but each time I put my head under the water, I couldn’t get used to the breathing rhythm, I freaked out and quickly surfaced.  Of course it also didn’t help that none of the other 5 members of my group had any trouble and they were all making their way down under the water to the assigned spot with our instructor.  Once again, I felt incredibly defeated and this time embarrassed!  Of course because I was the only one, my instructor had to leave the rest of the group and come to deal with me.  As he surfaced, one of my “fears” were realized and I started to cry.  I was a hint shy of hyperventilating and again mentally very defeated.  But my instructor wasn't having any of that and wouldn't take no for an answer.  He insisted that I calm down and breathe normally.  He made me realize that my defensive tactics were just hurting me and hindering my success.  He literally had me close my eyes and make a buddah-like motion with my hands (pointer and thumb together) while gently breathing out (all this in the safety of out of the water).  He then said “let’s go” and hand in hand took me under the water.

With the safety of his being right by my side, and my new calming technique, I actually managed to stay under!  My breathing was still slightly irregular, but each time I felt myself starting to panic, I once again closed my eyes, put my fingers together, and took a deep, slow breathe.  Granted it wasn't the best dive there ever was, but I managed to stay down with the rest of the group, go through all the practice exercises we needed to do and not die.  I shivered through most of that dive but most importantly I did it.  When I emerged from the water at the end of the dive, with the rest of the group, and because I was supposed to – not because I had to – I felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment and pride!  I actually did something that for many years I thought I would never be able to do!  I proceeded with the course as usual, and sometime during our second day, something clicked and I just got it.  I remember on that second day getting ready to go back under the water for that day’s first dive and having nervous feelings again.  I even tried to go under but resurfaced right away.  I literally said to myself that I was being crazy and that I knew I could do it because I already HAD done it – and it worked!  I successfully got back under and thank Gd I have not had any trouble with that again. 

The rest of the course was tremendous fun!  There were other challenges (it’s freaky as hell to take your mask off under water, then put it back on and successfully remove all the water trapped inside….) but I enjoyed all of it and celebrated each success.  Not to mention I was with a lovely group of people who made the time out of the water a lot of fun as well! At the end of the first week, I was awarded my first star.  It allows you to continue to dive but always with an instructor, and to the maximum depth of 18 meters.  This past weekend on Friday and Sunday I completed the course with my second star which now awards me the rights of an independent diver who doesn’t need to be in an organized group to go diving and can reach a maximum depth of 30 meters while diving with a buddy. 

I really feel proud of myself.  I overcame a huge obstacle in my life, that even though it did not practically affect me on a daily basis, always sat on my shoulder, whispering in my ear that I had failed at something.  I’m happy that I had the courage to look this problem in the face and take care of it.  And in addition to all of that, I now really love Scuba Diving!  I can’t wait to go an exercise this new skill and I hope I can learn from myself when I encounter another difficulty by facing it rationally and working through it.