Middle child syndrome is an age-old malady which I am convinced has been perpetuated over the years by parents with multiple children. Being a middle child myself, I can't honestly remember a time when I felt resentful or left out due to my place in the chronological order of my family. Granted we aren't a hugely numerous family (we stand solidly average at 5 persons - 2 parents and 3 children) so there isn't much place to get lost, but we've all been given our shining moments and times when each of us has been favored (as well as given the short end of the stick) on different occasions. I guess it's also pretty cliché to say that the first child has the mistakes made with them, but along that line of thought I don't think I had what to feel jealous of comparing up, but with my younger brother - who I will admit has many more allowances than either my sister or I had, there could be room for passing some jealousy judgment. To clarify, an outsider might interpret actions as provoked by jealousy, but as the actor, I would speak otherwise.
My parents (or really my dad) love to tell me that they think I was/am jealous of my younger bro. He has the more lenient rules, his activities are better parentally financially funded than mine were, and he gets to benefit from the trail my sister and I have blazed by softening up my parents. Additionally, I hold that my parents are a lot older now (there is a 7 and 1/2 year age different between myself and the bro) and I think they have less energy to be as combative with him as they were with us. Teenage years are the most difficult in our household, and while my brother has had his clashing moments with the ‘rents, it hasn’t been as bad as it was with us. As a personal anecdote, I didn’t speak to my Dad for 6 months my senior year of high school and we lived under the same roof… awkward? I think so. Anyway, why do I give all this background info and stage-setting? Because despite all of what I’ve painted, I still don’t feel like I’ve suffered this Middle Child Syndrome, and I’ve come out of my younger youth relatively unscathed. I actually get along really well with both my siblings (easier with my older sister as we live in 2 different countries, and our e-mail and phone conversations are rarely laced with fighting words –and with my brother, I’ve made a conscious effort over the past 6 years or so to befriend him and set a good example for him and as a result we’ve bonded to become good friends, and he’s someone I choose to hang out with {even if he doesn’t enjoy it as much as I do}) and that helps me to be at peace with myself in the family dynamic as well as being happy for those who had/have it better than I did/do.
That is until now.
The end of school season is upon us, and what that means in our family is that we are celebrating my brother’s high school graduation. It’s a momentous occasion and one that we are all very proud of. He’s put in a lot of hard work and it’s a rite of passage. Never did we think that there was a question as to whether or not he would graduate (we thought he would) but he’s done so with his head held high and he’s leaving with more direction and knowledge than when he came in. One of the physical ‘rewards’ for graduating is a school yearbook. And in addition to all the memories frozen in time on the many pages of this special book are “Ads” that families buy to show their support for their graduating loved-one. I remember the ads that I had in both my elementary school and high school yearbooks. Both stood out as unique due to my mother’s creative touch and design which made them less cookie cutter and more personal. My brother took a more active editing roll in his yearbook ad and nixed the original (very creative/funny/cute) design that my mom came up with and opted for something more textually based and ‘standard.’ None of the rest of us in the family really saw what was written and then submitted (again, without our review) with all of our names signed in agreement with the aforementioned words.
Usually this wouldn’t present a problem. “We love you – we’re so proud of you – may you go from strength to strength and reach great heights in your future endeavors… bla bla bla” – that type of generic, yet acknowledging and supportive writing would have been expected and unequivocally signed off on. However, dear Mommy made a very grandiose statement in our little Moshe’s yearbook ad and it has caused quite a commotion. The line in question, which comes after the usual stuff reads, and I quote: “WE LOVE YOU THE MOST.” What?!?!?!?! Who agreed to that!??! And what does that even mean?!??! It wasn’t until a few weeks after this was submitted to the yearbook staff that I first got a chance to see the Ad, and I immediately took issue with it. I read it out loud to the rest of the family and everyone, aside from my Mom thought it to be peculiar. Her immediate reaction was that it’s not what we think – rather it means “we love you the most that we can.” Unfortunately for her (or really for us) is that that is not what it says. It says “we love you the most” and stops right there. What makes it worse even is the fact that we all have our names signed on the bottom, so it looks like we all agree! Hows that for not taking favorites – there’s no skirting around this one – it looks like a favorite has been chosen.
Now, it’s time for me to reach deep inside and connect with the positive thoughts I’ve been raised to have, knowing that my self-worth is not dependent on what others think or say, but rather what I know in my heart to be true of myself. And who knows me better than me? I know I’m loved by my family (and I’m very grateful for that – despite what they might think) but it can still HURT to have it written on paper that a sibling is loved THE MOST!
Obviously this should be read with a grain of salt. I know that my mom would never choose a favorite (although if she did, no doubt it would be me… I’m the best) and I believe that she was really intending her explained message, but we learn 2 things from this story. Firstly, I have a very good editing eye which should be put to better use by my family (God knows they take advantage of me and my mad skills at work…). And secondly, Parents, blog-world-wide, should take note to be a little more careful when expressing feelings and support towards their children making sure to step on as few toes as possible.
